i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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