Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
