Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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