I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
