Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
