I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
