Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize