hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
