Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
