I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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