Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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