Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
