Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I have fence marks all over my body
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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