I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
In other news, I just burned my penis
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
