Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize