Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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