Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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