hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
