i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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