Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
How external is "for external use only"?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
