So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
