i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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