life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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