hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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