I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I did not marry a roomba.
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