Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Yo dont text me then not text me
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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