I'm gonna have a badass scar
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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