you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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