with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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