I seem to have left my pride at pride
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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