worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
