I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
