Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
