the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
