my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
im holly from the hills drunk
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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