Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
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