Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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