either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
