the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize