On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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