Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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