You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
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