You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
