If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
