Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
