I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize