If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
