just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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