why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Randomize
