Ambien. No doubt about it.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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