jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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