is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
