Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
