and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
