dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
