you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
