We won't sleep together?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
