im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
