my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
