What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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