Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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