Non-Jews are for practice
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
