i really wish james franco would like my vagina
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize