I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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