This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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