I just saw a hot homeless man
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
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