Don't you send me to vm
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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