i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
