Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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