you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
