the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
We were destined to go to rehab together
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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