They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
of course. lets lasso hookers.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
