so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize