I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
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