you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
