Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
