Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Randomize
