worst night to have a conscience
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
this must be what syphilis tastes like
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
