Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
You know, be my cock's hype man.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
