I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I party with great urgency now.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
