whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
