Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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