3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
