Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
