Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize