I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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